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첨삭부탁드려요.

오델로 | 조회 231 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.07
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■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading


▶ Topic :
Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing soprts and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

▶ Your Answer :

Today, many children spend their time to play with computers and electronic devices such as a tablet and a smartphone. It is very useful to improve and develop their creativity and intelligence, however, many side effects have occurred in last few years.

 

Firstly, they do not go outside to play anymore so their physical ability is no longer good as before. In my childhood, we usually went outside and did many activities with friends and it was helpful to learn and form social connectivity. We also got how to interact with others and how to maintain good relationships playing with others.

 

Secondly, they pursue much stimulating movies and games over and over. Too many movies which are not authorized by adults have been released on the internet and it has resulted that our children are too much spoiled and they easily lose their interests in outdoor activity with friends than before.

 

Thirdly, most of their parents do not spend time with their children anymore. This is the most significant problem caused by electronic devices. After working, they just give a tablet to their children not only if when they feel tired but also don't. This is likely to raise weak relation between parents and children, and make them not to understand each other because of the gap of interests.

 

In the result, these electronic devices which are developed for a better life have been destructing our lives and relations among people and family. Using it properly is more important than we think for our children.

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10597 답글 [Task2] RE:TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! Soo 196 2017.01.13
10596 [Task1] task 1 첨삭부탁드립니다 !! 감사합니다!! cindy7767 218 2017.01.07
10595 답글 [Task1] RE:task 1 첨삭부탁드립니다 !! 감사합니다!! meer 175 2017.01.12
>> [Task2] 첨삭부탁드려요. 오델로 232 2017.01.07
10593 답글 [Task2] RE:첨삭부탁드려요. meer 198 2017.01.12
10592 [첨삭] Task 2 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 김종윤 238 2017.01.06
10591 답글 [첨삭] RE:Task 2 첨삭 부탁드립니다. meer 193 2017.01.12
10590 [첨삭] Task 2 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 김종윤 258 2017.01.06
10589 답글 [첨삭] RE:Task 2 첨삭 부탁드립니다. meer 204 2017.01.12
10588 [Task1] Academic task1 첨삭 부탁 드립니다.. 사진 vamos 231 2017.01.06
10587 답글 [Task1] RE:Academic task1 첨삭 부탁 드립니다.. 사진 Soo 189 2017.01.13
10586 [첨삭] 첨삭을 부탁드립니다. 쌍둥이맘 229 2017.01.06
10585 답글 [첨삭] RE:첨삭을 부탁드립니다. Soo 169 2017.01.13
10584 [Task2] TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! cindy7767 227 2017.01.05
10583 답글 [Task2] RE:TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! meer 226 2017.01.08
10582 [Task2] 아카데믹 첨삭 부탁드립니당! cindy 219 2017.01.04
10581 답글 [Task2] RE:아카데믹 첨삭 부탁드립니당! meer 210 2017.01.08
10580 [Task1] task1 첨삭부탁드립니다 케언즈 226 2017.01.04
10579 답글 [Task1] RE:task1 첨삭부탁드립니다 meer 211 2017.01.08
10578 [Task2] 첨삭부탁드려요 케언즈 218 2017.01.04