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첨삭부탁드려요.

오델로 | 조회 159 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.07
  • 글꼴
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■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading


▶ Topic :
Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better for them to be outside playing soprts and taking part in more traditional pastimes than spending all day indoors.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

▶ Your Answer :

Today, many children spend their time to play with computers and electronic devices such as a tablet and a smartphone. It is very useful to improve and develop their creativity and intelligence, however, many side effects have occurred in last few years.

 

Firstly, they do not go outside to play anymore so their physical ability is no longer good as before. In my childhood, we usually went outside and did many activities with friends and it was helpful to learn and form social connectivity. We also got how to interact with others and how to maintain good relationships playing with others.

 

Secondly, they pursue much stimulating movies and games over and over. Too many movies which are not authorized by adults have been released on the internet and it has resulted that our children are too much spoiled and they easily lose their interests in outdoor activity with friends than before.

 

Thirdly, most of their parents do not spend time with their children anymore. This is the most significant problem caused by electronic devices. After working, they just give a tablet to their children not only if when they feel tired but also don't. This is likely to raise weak relation between parents and children, and make them not to understand each other because of the gap of interests.

 

In the result, these electronic devices which are developed for a better life have been destructing our lives and relations among people and family. Using it properly is more important than we think for our children.

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10610 [Task2] 첨삭 부탁드립니다. pana 145 2017.01.09
10609 답글 [Task2] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다. meer 113 2017.01.14
10608 [Task1] 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 사진 pana 155 2017.01.09
10607 답글 [Task1] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다. 사진 [1] Soo 138 2017.01.13
10606 [Task2] TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! cindy7767 147 2017.01.09
10605 답글 [Task2] RE:TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! Soo 122 2017.01.13
10604 [첨삭] 첨삭부탁드립니다.감사합니다. 영어보이 117 2017.01.08
10603 답글 [첨삭] RE:첨삭부탁드립니다.감사합니다. Soo 123 2017.01.13
10602 [첨삭] 첨삭부탁드려요.감사합니다. 영어보이 127 2017.01.08
10601 답글 [첨삭] RE:첨삭부탁드려요.감사합니다. Soo 113 2017.01.13
10600 [첨삭] 첨삭부탁드립니다 TASK@2 143 2017.01.07
10599 답글 [첨삭] RE:첨삭부탁드립니다 Soo 131 2017.01.13
10598 [Task2] TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! cindy7767 156 2017.01.07
10597 답글 [Task2] RE:TASk2 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다~! Soo 131 2017.01.13
10596 [Task1] task 1 첨삭부탁드립니다 !! 감사합니다!! cindy7767 167 2017.01.07
10595 답글 [Task1] RE:task 1 첨삭부탁드립니다 !! 감사합니다!! meer 125 2017.01.12
>> [Task2] 첨삭부탁드려요. 오델로 160 2017.01.07
10593 답글 [Task2] RE:첨삭부탁드려요. meer 132 2017.01.12
10592 [첨삭] Task 2 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 김종윤 175 2017.01.06
10591 답글 [첨삭] RE:Task 2 첨삭 부탁드립니다. meer 137 2017.01.12